Recently, I have been thinking… Maybe my “think too much” behaviour is too hard a habit to be cured…

Those who know about the “zi-high” thing lor, I guess I shall forget about it, because I cannot detect interest and recently a mutual friend actually behave (I felt lah) quite intimately yet the “zi-high” like ok leh… LoL

Well, the mutual friend, sort of feeling down lah, sort of shi lian lor, then in public lor, he actually rest his head on my shoulder and hugged my arm like a bolster, and even interlock our fingers together… Haha, at first I was kind of shocked (cos I really don’t him too well lah)… but then he was kind of high le bah, we were at OBar lah, and he keep drinking lor, none of his business he also drink… so when I sat down beside him, he told me that he was sad… then suddenly just rest his head on my shoulder… LoL

I guess those who really know me well, understand that I always do not really like people to touch me, but I guess I have changed le… Now able to tolerate abit lah, and somemore people feeling down, so I anything abit lor… I sat there for around 30mins bah, never move much lor, just sat there and watch people dance, or friends playing finger games and after that still helped him to collect his bag wor… This shows that I’m a GOOD friend k… LoL

But then I realise that I have become kind of artificial… Like putting a happy front even though I’ve a thousand of unhappy thoughts inside… Or pretending to be okie but I’m not really okie… I’m tired and yet I refused to give up… I want to rest yet I can’t…

I guess, I have to recharge myself fast, before I really “think too much”… I really need to consider about seriously letting go and really doing it… I do not have another 5 years to waste…

Back to the “zi-high” hor, I guess it might be just an infatuation bah… Someone who happens to be at the right place at a right time, but I might not be the someone who is right…

I guess I really think too much!

¶ 15.8.06