"Merry" Christmas .. .. .. How I wish I wasn't that a sensitive person.. How I wish I told her the truth before and maybe they won't be together.. But am I such a person? I don't think so..

The hurting truth is out, and why do I have to find it out on Christmas eve.. What a way to "celebrate" my Christmas.. I thought I would be fine seeing them together, I do not feel jealous, but pain.. I should be happy for them, but why can't I..

I guess, I do not want people (others) to pity me, because he doesn't belong to him (ever) and I'm tired of repeating the cycle..

From the start I do not wish that he would find out how I feel, because I'm not very sure of my own feelings, but things drag on, it has been 5 years.. Now that they are together, I can only feel the hurt, the pain, the sadness..

During the time that I was so unsure of my feelings, I do not feel anything when he mention his ex-gfs / gf.. But every time when I feel it's right, someone / he would tell me something that depress me.. 5 years is such a long time, I'm tired of being there.. tired of being the spare.. Although he has no obligation towards me, but nevertheless I could feel the betraying..

No matter how hard it takes now, I will move on, wish them well..

What worse could still happen?? After realizing the guy you like over the years fell in love with your best friend..

Wish me all the best.. I need plenty..

(T_T)  ¶ 25.12.05